BDSM Dangers

Reader Beware!

Not every aspect of D/s and BDSM is enjoyable, on occasion one may come across one of the gruesome realities of BDSM and D/s. There are dangers associated with this lifestyle, as with any lifestyle, but in order to avoid such misfortunes it is wise to educate yourself about “The could happens” instead of just ignorantly diving in head-first.

The necessity of Contracts

No really, they are necessary to protect yourself and your submissive. Before you start piling on the reasons why you do not think they are necessary, let me point out one thing – Nothing and I mean Nothing ever goes according to plan. If your basing your relationship on loyalty and love, I hate to say it but WAKE UP!  We live in the 21st Century those kinds of things are best left to Disney movies sweetheart. There are numerous reasons why a contract is a must for any D/s relationship:

  1. They outline the basis and consensual agreement of the relationship.
  2. If and I mean if worse comes to worse, at least you have some form of proof that the behavior you were practicing was consensual. This does not however mean that you will not be persecuted or suffer legal action, but it does greatly reduce the chances that the Prosecution can prove without a doubt that you were abusing someone against his/her will.
  3. You make a contract you follow it, if you don’t …well then you have no one to blame but yourself and you are in essence adding to the marred image of BDSM D/s by the general community as a whole.
  4. Contracts protect you and your interests. What better reason do you need?

Positional Asphyxia

This is one of the worst little surprises you can ever have during a scene, the submissive passing out from lack of blood flow or oxygen. It does and can happen in almost all positions especially if the positions require tension on major limbs and restrict the torso for extended periods of time. How do you avoid such a nasty dilemma? EDUCATE YOURSELF. It is that easy…so just do it and save yourself the sheer terror of watching someone collapse and wondering what the hell is going on, and whether or not a trip to the E.R. or the Police Station will be the final ending to your night.

Positional asphyxia: breathing requires a certain amount of  effort. When we breathe in, muscles in the thorax actively expand the rib cage; when we breathe out, this expansion  relaxes, and the rib cage returns to rest. Bound positions that place more stress on the expansive motion  of inhalation or that require the body to actively contract during exhalation risk positional asphyxia,  which involves the body becoming too exhausted to breathe, and can eventually result in death.

Positions that are prone to positional asphyxia include

  1. Hogtie positions.
  2. Arms raised and stretched above the head (crucifixion style positions).
  3. Positions where the subs/bottoms weight causes extreme tension on the shoulders and torso (hands behind back lying on stomach).
  4. Positions which include prolonged weight placed on the torso/rib cage of the bottom.
  5. Inverted positions.

When doing any positions that require prolonged restraint ensure that your submissive has no health concerns that may lead to positional asphyxia (i.e. asthma, excessive weight, poor circulation, anxiety). As the dominant you should be fully informed and aware at all times of the mental and physical health of your submissive, educated and informed Dominance is always the best practice – this should of course go without saying.

For reference it is generally accepted that certain positions are safer to hold for longer periods of time, however there is no position that is safe for a submissive/bottom to be restrained without supervision. You should also never restrain you submissive in any position that you do not have a practical and working knowledge of, if you are interested in a specific restrained posture and would like to try it out you should do so outside of a scene first and with the supervision of a more experienced Dominant. NEVER, I repeat NEVER restrain a submissive/bottom without having the necessary tools for quick release handy and ready to use. You do not want to have to try untying an intricate knot while your submissive is turning blue or has lost consciousness.

Practice safety first, this person is entrusting their welfare to you – make sure you practice proper care deserving of their trust.

Pushing Limits

Limits are an essential part of the D/s relationship and as such should be respected without question. They stand as the laws of the relationship for both Dom/me and sub. Limits offer a wide range of possibility for learning and exploring about oneself and inner relationships with others. It is important that limits be seen as areas that are either open to exploration or completely out of the question. This is why in BDSM we designate hard and soft limits. Not everyone in this lifestyle has gone through the gamut of kinky fuckery (thank you E.L. James) and so there is always room for wonderful exploration.

Soft limits are still limits, they must be approached slowly and discussed thoroughly, never explore a soft limit without first discussing it with the submissive. Again it is important that you understand you have to work up to  exploring soft limits – addressing them without the proper groundwork and trust is a sure recipe for disaster. Dominant or not  YOU have to earn the right to explore a submissives soft limits, they need to know they can trust you, furthermore you need to know that you can trust them to tell you when to stop.

Hard limits are just that, they are non-negotiable – respect them. There is no excuse for putting your submissive in a position where they are compromising on their emotional and mental health for your needs. That is not BDSM or D/s, that is abuse – respect the HARD LIMITS. If I can put it any clearer for you pushing a submissives hard limit is akin to rape, psychologically, physically, and emotionally. Would you like to be raped? And I am not referring to a role play scenario here. I am talking about real, brutal, horrifying rape; you commit the equivalent crime when you take advantage of a submissive by ignoring their hard limits.

To submissives, do not do your Dominant the injustice of being dishonest about your hard limits. Know that at any time you are entitled to adjust modify your hard limits, in fact in a healthy BDSM and D/s relationship you are expected to without hesitation. You are not doing anything beneficial for the relationship when you ignore the inner voice inside that tells you “no, this is too much” for the sake of your Dominant’s pleasure. The only thing you accomplish is destroying the delicate balance of trust between the two of you. Be clear, be honest for yourself and for your Dominant.

Cleanliness

Always practice safe play. All of the toys, implements, bindings, sheets, clothing, etc. used during playtime should be properly cleaned and sterilized before the next play session. If the submissive is responsible for keeping the items clean and sanitary make sure that he/she is properly informed about how to clean and sterilize them. You should commit your time as the Dominant to teach and supervise your submissive to ensure that he/she is sterilizing the equipment properly and putting it away in the prescribed manner before demanding that he/she do so without supervision.

I would hope that everyone has a basis for cleanliness in their BDSM D/s practice, there are far too many nasty repercussions to risk unsanitary play.

  • Staph infections
  • Urinary tract infections (both male and female)
  • Fungus
  • Rashes
  • Blood infections
  • Septic infections
  • Yeast infections
  • STI’s
  • BBP’s

A rather important part of cleanliness that often goes overlooked but should always be practiced is regular blood and STI screenings, especially if the BDSM D/s relationship is non-monogamous, due to the increased number of possible sexual partners. I would suggest screening spaced at 6 month intervals or 1 year intervals. Monogamous couples should always undergo blood and STI screenings before participating in any sexual activity, in this day and age there are far too many risks to just accept someone’s promise that they aren’t carrying anything.

DO NOT SHARE TOYS

Sex toys are like underwear, personal hygenic razors, and your toothbrush in one erotic package. Would you lend your underwear or your razor to someone else? I seriously hope not especially if that person is not someone intimately known to you. Use common sense – you dont want to wear Suzie  from down the streets underwear, nor would you shave with her razor, so why on earth would you share your private intimate toy with her? These are not resellable, returnable, or tradeable items for a reason – they go inside your body and get covered with your various sexual excretions or otherwise. Dominants, don’t be cheap,  buy new toys for your sub, it is just good taste and good manners. If you have more than one submissive at a time, each of them should have there own separate toys (anal plugs, eggs, beads, vibrators, dildos, gags, and jewelry).

Non personal items like floggers, canes, whips, and paddles should be kept sterile and clean when not in use, these of course do not need to be individual to a specific submissive, unless it is included in blood play, water sports, or anal/enema play.

Blood Play

Blood play is a very specific type of BDSM play that involves the letting, sharing, and erotic enjoyment of blood. This type of BDSM is a much heavier practice that should not be undertaken by anyone that does not have a medical or tattooing/piercing license. If you are interested in this type of play, understand that there are serious repercussions (including death) if both parties are not knowledgeable about the health concerns and proper techniques. You should not engage in blood play unless you have the training and skills necessary to do so safely.

Basic rules of blood play:

  1. Never cut near major arteries or veins of the body.
  2. Never cut in an area where there is a large amount of nerve endings as this can cause irreparable damage and loss of sensation.
  3. Never cut in an area where skin becomes taught or tight as this prevents in proper healing of wounds.
  4. Intravenous needle use should only be performed by a medical professional.
  5. Always use disinfectant and antibiotic on open wounds to prevent infection and insure proper healing.
  6. Piercing, branding, or scarification should only be done by a trained professional or someone well educated in proper techniques, sterilization, and aftercare.
  7. Dispose of needles, knives, razors (a.k.a “sharps”) in a safe sterile way commonly referred to as a sharps container. These are not reusable items, and unless you own an autoclave at home you are risking serious blood infections/poisonings by re-using non sterilized equipment.
  8. Do not lick open wounds. That is the best way to spread bacteria and infections, your mouth is a sespit of bacteria, even if you use mouthwash, it is not clean and it is not safe. If you like to ingest blood research safe transfer methods, and choose one that is acceptable to you.
  9. Always sterilize the area to be punctured or cut to reduce the likelihood of introducing bacteria from the skin into the bloodstream.

I cannot stress enough how important it is to practice care and caution when partaking in blood play. If you fantasize about this type of BDSM play, you should only participate under the supervision of someone medically trained or become medically trained yourself. In other words until you know how to do it correctly and safely, leave it in your fantasies, where it belongs. This is not child’s play, it can be very dangerous if done wrong and have major consequences for both you and your Dom/me or submissive.

Anal/Enema Play

This type of play can be extremely pleasurable but also carries a great deal of risk. The anus is a very delicate part of the anatomy, and due to it’s functional nature has the added danger of bacterial infection, and an assortment of many other nasty, painful drawbacks. If you are into anal play, then inform yourself to the proper techniques for cleanliness, lubrication, safety, and stimulation. Pornography is not an educational tool! Do the homework and learn the proper methods of preparation for anal penetration. Here are some do’s and dont’s:

  1. Do always use a silicone based lubricant for anal play.
  2. Do always wear latex gloves or condoms to prevent infections and injuries.
  3. Do always keep your nails trimmed short if you will be doing any anal finger penetration.
  4. Do not use spit, it is not a proper lubricant, although quite erotic and stimulating you will need more than saliva to safely penetrate someone’s anus.
  5. Do not try to just push into someone’s anus. This can be excruciatingly painful at the very least and at the very worst can tear the delicate tissue of the anus and require immediate medical attention. Anal bleeding is a BAD SIGN – if you see blood stop immediately and take proper steps to clean the anal canal to prevent bacterial infection.
  6. Do always thoroughly clean the anus with a warm water enema before participating in anal play. Ensure that any and all residues are completely removed before you begin to play, as this lowers the chance of unsightly and embarrassing moments during your play session.
  7. Do always make sure that any items or toys that you will be inserting are properly sterilized and lubricated before you insert them.
  8. The anus is a very tight muscular canal with three sphincters, it needs to be trained to be able to “accept” larger objects. If you are playing with an anal virgin, be respectful and do the pre-work before you try to insert your finger, penis, dildo, toy, plug, or hook. The anus needs a lot of coaxing and massage prior to penetration in order to relax the sphincter muscles and ensure that the experience is pleasurable.
  9. Do not try to rush, this is the worst thing you can do. If you are not willing to invest the time to prepare the anus for penetration then do not even approach anal play. For first timers this can take days of preparation and training/stimulation, be aware and communicate constantly; any pain or searing sensation is the STOP sign for whatever you are doing, go back to square one and start again slowly. Make sure that you keep everything well lubricated.

Percussive play

For the purposes of this blog, percussive play is any play that involves the meeting of skin and an implement in soft, medium, or hard strokes. Whipping, flogging, caning, paddling, spanking, hiding, smacking, lashing, popping, etc. If you are striking someone on their skin then you are partaking in percussive play. This is a generally practiced form of play in BDSM, degrees vary based on the relationship and the hard and soft limits. What does not vary is the degree of psychological and physical strain that such play exerts on both the Dom/me and submissive. The dangers of percussive play lie in this area, striking someone else has major implications for the person receiving the striking as the Dominant you need to be aware of these implications.

If you partake in percussive play you may have experienced the overflow of emotions that can and at some point most assuredly will take place after a play session. Prepare yourself for them, the mix of physical pleasure and pain can be confusing, freeing, even overpowering for the submissive – it can also have the same effects on the Dominant. Both the Dominant and the submissive should communicate openly about their feelings prior to play sessions involving percussive play. If there has been any stresses they need to be addressed, these can turn an enjoyable evening into a horrifying experience quickly. Here are some basics that I found helpful when starting out and still use today when I get a new percussive instrument.

  1. Know the power of your blow: If you are going to use an implement on someone, you should first use it on yourself to gauge the intensity of the hit. Intensity varies greatly depending on the type of stroke and material of the implement being used, so use it on yourself first. This will give you an understanding of how your hit will feel on your submissive’s skin.
  2. Never allow your instrument to wrap around the body as this will cause additional inertial force at the tip of the implement intensifying the actual force and sensation of your intended strike.
  3. Force is about physics, never forget that.
    1. Strikes made at a closer proximity to the body have a far different effect than strikes made at a distance from the body.
    2. The direction of the blow also plays and important part in the force of the impact, if you are going to go overhand you don’t need to add additional speed.
    3. You should never rotate from any joint above your elbow to make a blow if you are within 5 feet of the person to receive the blow. That amount of force should only be used for blows created with whips or long canes – this type of percussive play is extremely hard and extremely painful, so if you are just beginning you should never be more that 3-5 ft from your submissive or bottom.
    4. Harder does not equal better. You should “aim” for a variation of sensations in your blows. You should always begin softly and build up to more percussive hits, varying them in degrees between. Even the most masochistic submissive does not relish a torrential downpour of flesh eating whips.
    5. Never ever engage in percussive play run by your emotions, you may have emotions – that is completely natural, but if you are not in control of them then you should not be subjecting someone to the mercy of your emotional turmoil with the addition of percussive play.

This is something I have a very stringent opinion on. I do not think that there is anything wrong with using percussive play as a form of punishment or discipline, but if you are angry you should exercise caution before deciding to use this as a discipline. Discipline based on emotional imbalance is unhealthy for everyone, if you are angry cool down or explain very carefully what the physical discipline will involve. Your submissive is not your punching bag, they have given you their trust and placed their well being in your hands- lashing out at them in a physical, uncontrolled manner nullifies that trust.

Genital Torture

Not for the weak of heart or constitution. Genital torture is a very extreme form of BDSM and should only be practiced by individuals who are well versed in the ins and outs of genital play. Giving excellent fellatio or cunningulus does not qualify you as well-versed. Understanding the amounts and kinds of physical strain that the anatomy of male/female genitalia can withstand safely does qualify you and basically prepare you for genital torture.

There are techniques and tools used to perform this kind of BDSM play properly which are a well covered topic on almost every BDSM site on the internet, so if you like this kind of kink educate yourself and work slowly. You have to understand the health risks involved or you can do irreparable damage to someone, even to the point of hospitalization and surgery. Please be informed about the limits of the devices used and the specific uses for each device. Genital weighting and restraint should only be done under the supervision of someone with a great deal of experience to start, and once the ins-and-outs are learned you can apply those techniques during play time.

In the future I will include information on genital weighting, binding, and striking. Please look for them under the sections dedicated to specific types of play.

2 thoughts on “BDSM Dangers”

  1. Danielle the Slave said:

    Your essay was informative and deeply felt, and made me rethink certain things. I am glad you warn against certain things, but I fear that a lot of people will still act irresponsibly…

    • maitressemadz said:

      I can not control how people use the information I post, I can only hope that by providing the facts I can prevent people from harming themselves or others. Take control for yourself Danielle, you can only control your actions but thank you for considering my words. I hope they will help you along your path.

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